"You've heard of Plato, right?"
"Yes."
"And Confusion and Neechoo?"
"If you mean Confucius and Nietzsche, then yes I have."
"And they're great philosophers? People look up to them, like to hear what they have to say?"
"That is the general consensus."
"So why are there only human philosophers?"
"Clearly you have already come up with an answer that you are dying to tell me."
"Wow, you really do know me. How did I get so lucky to get a friend like you?"
"Friend is quite the strong word."
"Strong words are exactly what all those guys used, and all these people quote them and learn from them, and even revere them."
"Another beautiful segue."
"But we only get to hear from humans. There aren't any elves, or witches, or anything but regular men. There aren't even vampires or any other changed humans."
"What brilliant solution do you have for this lack of representation?"
"Huh? Representation?"
"Isn't this all about needing diverse voices in philosophy?"
"Okay, now you're starting to sound like a crazy person. I wasn't talking about that. I was actually trying to get to the point where we tried guessing what would be in their books, what their great thinkers would be like, and than I could finally get to the point where I revealed that I had figured out what the great troll Daycarts would say."
"Amazing how I am always surprised by the things you say."
"Imagine it. It's great. Say it with me. 'I eat, therefore I am.'"
"You are an entirely new category of exasperating."
